That Might Be Ok For Everyone Else, but Not For Matt Boutwell….

As Matt Boutwelll sits and reads the comments of Milton Bradley, he can’t help but laugh. “‘We all joke about race in here. But there are things said off the cuff that I don’t interpret as being funny. They are funny to him and Jeff Foxworthy, but not to Milton Bradley.” Milton Bradley, talking about himself in the third person. How the hell do you that? Your Milton F’N Bradley, and your not even the famous Milton Bradley, your the Infamous Milton Bradley(the other Bradley is more famous for creating Monopoly, but that is neither here nor there)! This is the same Milton Bradley who threw things at fans, gotten jailed for road rage and got exiled from the Indians for not running out a fly ball. Amazingly, this all started because Bradley didn’t score on a Jeff Kent double. Huh, seems to be a history of Milton dogging it, eh? Seems like Milton Bradley needs to remember why Milton Bradley gets paid to play a game, and it’s not because of his clubhouse leadership and warm and fuzzy demeanor.

College football season is upon us, and Matt Boutwell’s pick for national champion is…….
USC? No, Too easy
Florida St? Don’t you need a quarterback?
Ohio ST? No thanks.

The Louisville Cardinals! Why you ask?

09/04
at Kentucky
3:30 PM

09/17
Oregon St
12:00 PM

09/24
at S Florida
TBD

10/01
FAU
TBD

10/08
UNC
TBD

10/15
at W Virginia
TBD

10/22
at Cincy
7:00 PM

11/03
#23 Pittsburgh
7:30 PM

11/11
Rutgers
8:00 PM

11/26
Syracuse
TBD

12/03
at UConn
TBD

Do you see a loss in there anywhere? Possibly tough road games with Pitt and Cincy, but that’s it. Matty doesn’t see Wannstedt outcoaching Petrino at any point. So if the USC’s, VA Tech’s, UT’s, Texas’s, Michigan’s and Ohio ST’s are all beating up on one another getting a loss, how will undefeated Louisville not get to the National Title game? They now get the Auto BCS bid from being in the Big East, they are it folks. Brian Brohm is going to break some Big East passing records this year, folks. Before someone goes all USC on me, they are due to lose a game. Cal has a shot this year, Arizona ST gets them at home, Notre Dame gets them at home, and Oregon gets them at home. Those are not easy road games by any means. Charlie Weis will have the Notre Dame Fightin’ Irish ready to play in every game this year, Arizona ST is money at home, Oregon is money at home, and Cal seems to have USC’s number, going 2-0 ATS vs USC the last 2 years, w/ one straight up win in there, too. So don’t print up those USC 3-Peat t-shirts quite yet…

Matty is all done for now… he might have some more things to spout off about later.

Nice to write a column in the third person, not only is it refreshing, it also makes me forget the Yanks signed Mark Bellhorn. Matty can’t deal with that….lol

The Time Has Come!

College football season is here! Before anyone reading this thinks I am Tim Brando, hold on a sec. First, I am aware that there is more football out there than the SEC. I am also aware that Louisiana is not the greatest college football state out there. I enjoy college because A)These guys aren’t getting paid (as much) B) It may be the easiest sport to gamble on in America. Some people and even publications I have read have stated the time to make money in college is in the first 3 weeks of the season. That can and cannot be true. Last year, for instance week one, Texas A+M was listed as a favorite with the linesmakers going into Utah. Smart gamblers(wiseguys if you will, although everytime I hear that I think of people getting smacked around and having their pizza business burned to the ground) were all over Utah and Vegas took a bath. 2 years ago it was Cal lambasting Michigan State as a 14 pt dog. This year, who knows? Well, I think I do. Here are some Thursday Night week one snapshots.

Buffalo at UConn (-18)
Buffalo on the road? Against a UConn team that is coming off a bowl win? and it’s less than 3 td’s? Can I give you the deed to my house may be the next question your asking, but look at this before you start thinking about moving to Beverly Hills.

UConn is 3-2 against the spread Vs. Buffalo since 1992, and against a team like Buff, that isn’t as good as you would think.
Uconn is 1-6 as a favorite of 10.5 to 21 points the last 3 years
The Betting Public is only correct %30 of the time when moving the line in Buffalo games the last 3 years (6-14)

Personally, I am laying off this game, even though it fits into my “Bet on bad teams on the road if the line is 35 or less” system, mainly because UConn is going to have a new QB and will be playing on Thursday, where they haven’t been a big money maker lately. If someone put a gun to my head, I would take the Buffs.

Oregon @Houston (+8.5)

Oregon 12-26 on the road as 3.5 to 10 point favorite. Houston has the O to hang with them, at least within a TD. Gimme the Cougars + 8.5

Temple @ Arizona St (-27)

This is going to be the biggest rout of the night. Arizona St is, in the words of Randy Moss, “Straight Cash, Homey!” at home. they were 6-0 straight up and 4-2 against the spread last year, and Temple only has 5 starters returning on the “O”. It will be hot, and Temple will be down 14 less than 5 minutes in.

Eastern Michigan @ Cincy (-10)

This might beat AZ ST as the rout of this night. Eastern Michigan is 2-14 against the number in non-conference games since 1992. Cincy played some good football last year and with this being their first year in the Big East, they are going to want to blow this team away, hoping the rest of the Big Least gets worried. Besides they were 4-2 against the number at home last year while Eastern Mich was 3-3 ats on the road. Of course of those three ATS wins, 2 were against Ball St and Western Michigan, both of whom suck worse than a hooker with lockjaw and buckteeth, and the other was a 21 point loss to Bowling Green when the number was at an obscene 28.5. Cincy will drop the bomb on these guys and it won’t be pretty to watch, unless your cashing your ticket with Cincy at the end. Cincy -10

I will go over the Friday and Saturday boards later on. Just to explain what I do in College Football…

I look for teams that were less than .500 against the number last year going on the road against teams that were .500 or better. I Only bet on HOME TEAMS in college in this system. I only stray to play Miami against Fl St (Money) Boise St as a Dog (week One) or Louisville against anyone. I also love double digit home dogs getting revenge from a loss the previous year (This fits the UTEP/NM ST game perfectly. Although I think UTEP is going to be money this year, I don’t think they get the cover in this game).

It’s Official…

Mike Leiberthal is one of the worst throwing catchers EVER! I am listening to the Giants-Phils on XM and there has already been 3 steals on this guy. If he isn’t good offensively, he isn’t good defensively, and he doesn’t call a great game, why in the HELL is he your catcher? Am I missing something here? I might have to call the baseball morning show on XM and ask Larry Bowa about this.

That leads me into my next topic. Matty is going national. That’s right. MLB on Xm’s the Show with Kevin Kennedy and Rob Dibble, The Jim Rome Show, The Tony Bruno Show, The Dan Patrick Show, The Scott Wetzel Show… I am everywhere!!! LOL. Anyone can pick up a phone and make a call guys and gals. Someone, I am not sure who, called into the JAB this morning asking if I have a life after he heard me on The Show on Tuesday. To answer that, yes, I do. However, I am lucky to be able to be as involved in sports as I am with my kids. Would I like to be on the radio? Of course I would, but with no communications degree, I am relegated to phone calls and the net. Who knows, maybe someday I will catch someone important’s ear, but in all likely hood I won’t, so I’ll just keep having fun and having an opinion on everything. If that bothers anyone I am terribly sorry. Wait, no I’m not. Blow it out your a** if you don’t like it. 🙂

Now that that’s off my chest, on to the fun stuff. The Sox and KC right now. It just keeps on raining, the score is tied, you know the umps want someone, anyone to score a run so they can get the hell out of there, the fans are drenched, depressed that they are KC Fans and all you here is the Red Sox Road Show in the stands. Shoe, Fix and Joe are dying for this game to end so they can go to bed and listen to people call and talk about Millar’s homer (%75 of all calls will mention that tomorrow, mark my words). This thing is going 12 innings at the minimum. You know it, I know it, my 10 week old whose sleeping and farting louder than Terrence and Philip knows it. I pray Mike Sweeney hits a walk off homerun…..

Nice Job by Mike Mussina tonight. If that was a Spring Training game he would have gotten rave reviews. Unfortunately the 5th inning turned itself into Little Shop of Horrors.

Sox/KC Update. Chip Ambres, the man who was traded for Tony G, is now up with Bases loaded. $100 Bucks says he wins the game with a walk or a hit or something. Wouldn’t that be something? Then Sox blow their lead to the Yanks and miss the playoffs by one game because of Chip Ambres? Not quite Bucky Dent or Aaron Boone, but close.

I have made a decision on the NL Wild Card. The Mets are going to win it. I don’t know how or why, but they will. Maybe Pedro goes berserk. Maybe noone figures out Seo. Maybe Anna Benson will let Kris rest once in while. Maybe Braden Looper can close a game. I just have a feeling about this Mets team that they are going to make some noise.

Ambres strikes out, I am now down $100(checks in the mail!). Emil Brown anyone? How about a wild pitch? Oh wait a pop-out? Just as good. For the love of god someone end this GAME!

The Phillies have the bases loaded with no one out in the 5th inning. Brad “Alize and” Hennessey is pitching tremendously bad. I don’t care if Barry Bonds comes back on every Human Growth Hormone he can find, he can’t pitch, and that’s the problem with the Giants. Now 5-4 Phils with Lidle batting with two outs and he bases full. We all know what happens here. Got to love National League baseball. At least with a DH the amount of intentional walks would go down (which would affect #8 hitter On Base Percentages, but unless your playing in a Bill James Rules Fantasy league, who gives a crap?)

Cory Lidle was just replaced with Robinson Tejeda, AFTER GROUNDING OUT WITH THE BASES LOADED? Knock, Knock? Whose there? Pinch. Pinch who? Pinch hitter YOU MORON!!! Nice move Charlie Manuel, I think I now know why you got sh*t canned in Cleveland. I can’t believe I am about to say this. How the hell did you beat out Grady Little for the Phil’s job? Do you have pictures of Ed Wade coming out of the Blue Oyster Brothel?

I have now been alerted that Lidle was injured trying to run out the grounder. He was pitching awful anyways, why not throw someone up there who can hit? Tejeda probably has better stuff right now anyways. I think sometimes managers are so concerned about getting their starters the win they don’t realize you don’t load the bases every inning.

Mike Nugent run for a 2 point conversion and the Jets lead the Cards 16-0. Oh, wait a minute, that’s Mets and D-Backs!!! My mistake. No Mike Cameron or Mike Piazza yet the Mets are just blowing up the D’Backs staff. Nice move picking up Russ “My Won-Loss record covered up my whip for years” Ortiz. I think I know why the Braves let him go. When the “Last Place” team in the NL East is kicking the holy bejesus out of the 2 nd place team in the west 3 games in a row, that should tell you all you need to know about the NL West. Of course, we all know the Padres are going to beat someone in Round One. Jake Peavy anyone? If Lawrence stays consistent and Eaton can comeback and do what he was doing before he broke his finger, that 1-2-3 trio could hold it’s own, even against Clemens, Oswalt and Pettite or Beckett, Willis and Burnett. Or Pedro, Benson and Seo. The Cards have chinks in the armor, as Carpenter has been their only consistent starter the last few weeks. The Astros couldn’t score if they walked down the Vegas Strip a and $100 bucks hanging loosely out of their pockets. Florida just can’t seem to string anything together. The Phils pitching isn’t that good. Mets -Padres NLCS kids, you heard it here first.

I am spent. Check back tomorrow with my thoughts on the AL. Preseason football tomorrow night I believe. I hope so anyways.

And Chip Ambres wins it on a sac fly! I take Paypal!!!!

Til next time it’s the last time…Stay Classy San Diego!!!! (LOL)

Plus nobody I know got killed in South Central L-A…

Ok, so L-A means Lewiston Auburn, but hey it’s true ( I wonder if Knox St qualifies as South Central?) . As my wonderful loving 10 week old son sits up laughing and giggling and having a great time (Sleep my boy Sleep!) and my dog licks herself incessently (attractive!), I can’t help but grin. I am now playing Hold Em for a living (Day 1 earnings from Hold’Em-$70 bucks. total amount of time played-1 hour 43 minutes. Nice career choice), get to watch my son grow up and oh yeah I forgot about this little tidbit…hit a 4 team baseball parlay tonight!! Cha Ching!!!
Thank you Lloyd, Willie, Ned and Alan for your contributions to my fruitful evening.
Pitt 10-0. Mets 14-1. Brew Crew 11-2. Tigers 4-1. Nothing was in doubt after the 7th inning, which saves not only my heart, but my liver as well (lol). In the words of good buddy Austin Powers “Grrr baby, major Grrr!!!”

I have been noteably absent from the web recently as my friend’s wedding took a huge chunk of my time, but it was worth it to see him happy and for me to hang out and get pickled with all of my friends (Major congrats to my fiancee’ for walking me back to the suv at closing time). Of course with my own wedding coming up in April or May, I see what I get to look forward too. God bless hip flasks!

Not much else tonight, I am going to go bathe in cash. Well, not really, but you could imagine if I was….

Freakin’ brothas every way like MJ, today was a good day…

Alan Trammell and Bobby Cox, Come on Down!

Alan, Bobby…Please sit down. Now first off I want to tell you both I admire the jobs you both have done, you Bobby for the consistency you have brought to the Braves organization, you Alan for bringing the Tigers out of the dregs of crap they were once in. With that said, respectfully, what the F*ck were the two of you thinking tonight?! Alan let me start with you. Nate Robertson is chewing up Sox hitters like Takeru Kobayahi goes through hot dogs, so naturally you take him out in the 9th because you have a great closer to come in and shut the door, right? Oh, wait, you don’t. Isn’t Nate a lefty? Check. David Ortiz is a lefty, too, right? Check again. So why was Nate Robertson on the bench in the 9th inning? Get my point? This is why Dave Dombrowski will be finding a replacement for you this offseason (Larry Bowa anyone?).

Bobby, on to you. You have a closer. His name is Kyle Farnsworth. He pitched in the 8th ining because ….? He is a monster and he finally learned to close in Detroit. USE HIM! This is the second time in 2 weeks Reitsma has been lit up in a close game. Maybe the writing is on the wall, there, huh?

Glad to see Mo Rivera has chosen now to be human. Nice Timing. Good to see the Yanks win 5 in a row and not even make a dent in the Red Sox lead. F*ck you Eddie Perez!!!!

I am not even going to make a pick tonight as my record in here has been awful. I am now going to sit down and listen to the O’s and A’s-who the rest of my bankroll happens to be on right now-and see what happens. Is it college football season yet?!

I Knew I Had Lost…

12 seconds into the game when McNabb got picked off and it was run back for a touchdown. 2 special teams touchdowns? Huh? From Pittsburgh? Am I in Bizzaro world? I knew I should have taken over 29, its an extremely low number and there are too many flukey things that can happen in the preseason. But, much like the players, I tend to use the preseason as a way to shake the rust off and get to work. It also helps that college football is coming…. Whoo-Hoo!

I took a piss test today. I felt like Rafael Palmeiro. I was put in a room where they shut off the water, they sprayed a blue dye in the toilet, it was just funny. When I topped off the cup, the guy just kept saying “Great Job, Great Job!” That makes my day, I am the greatest pee-er in Androscoggin county. Luckily I am clean so I didn’t have to get Onterrio Smith’s whizzinator or any of Tommy Chongs “Urine Luck”. If I get suspended for anything by Bud Selig I am DEFINITELY appealing.

Are the KC Royals pathetic or what? Mike Sweeney must have 6 girlfriends there because other than that I cannot understand why he hasn’t demanded a trade. Is Allan Baird drinking Bacardi in the owner’s suite? Is he aware he needs some talent to put some asses in the seats of that park? Does the owner care? This is what pisses me off about baseball’s economic structure. Every day people bitch, piss and moan that the Yankees, Red Sox, Dodgers et al have way too much money and spend too much money and blah blah blah. Yet when you look around the league at teams like Minnesota, KC, Milwaukee, Tampa and Pittsburgh (2 of which recently got publicly financed stadiums), they aren’t taking the revenue checks they get from the Yanks, Sox and Angels and putting them into their teams, they are POCKETING IT! Yet everyone is outraged at George Steinbrenner. Is anyone aware he is building his own stadium with his OWN money? No public anything. All of his own funds, similiar to what Bob Kraft did for the Patriots. That should be commended, but it never is. Instead it’s a monopoly, it’s unfair, yada, yada, yada. Pull your head out of your asses people. It’s the owners in Minny, Tampa and KC that are screwing up the economic structure, not Big George. Oh, and mark my words, the Yanks payroll will be UNDER $200 Million next year. And more importantly the team will be better.

Nice to see John Leclair catch on with the resurgent Penguins. Lemiuex, Leclair and Crosby? Can we make that a power play line? I met John in 1993 after he scored goals in two overtime games to beat Wayne Gretzky and the Kings in the Stanley Cup Finals. Got to touch the Stanley Cup, and everything (still have the picture) . A great guy who has always played second fiddle to guys like Eric “Ouch My Head” Lindros and Jeremy “Why Won’t My Mouth Shut” Roenick. I hope the Pens make the playoffs this year and meet the Bruins in the Eastern Finals. That would be some fun hockey. I am almost looking forward to opening night!

Thats all for tonight…

Take the Atl Braves on the run line tomorrow. D-Lowe is AWFUL on the road.

Keep it real homies…lol…

What is up with Sunday’s?

As I sit here watching the Roast of Pamela Anderson (Bea Arthur was there! What the hell connection does Bea Arthur have to Pamela Anderson? Someone explain this this to me!), I tally up the losses from another shitty Sunday of gambling. For some reason I usually find 5 decent bets on a Sunday, and I usually only take the two that lose. Then I try to take the underdog in Sunday Night baseball, and that never seems to work either. Why do I not learn from my mistakes you ask? Becuase I know the first Sunday I don’t do it will be the Sunday that it hits.

Not alot to say tonight, my kids and my dog wore me out today. Taking Philly +9 and the Under 41 for tomorrow night’s Pittsburgh/Philly game on a 6 point teaser. Looks like a winner to me. Good Night everyone!

Freeport, ME AKA Hell

I remember the old days when Saturdays meant three things. A trip to the dump in the morning, a late breakfast at Bagels’ N Things or Shoney’s or Waffle House depending on where I lived, and an afternoon of sports and beer in preparation for late night partying. Now of course in the days of “Matty-Domesticated Version 2”, Saturdays are now go to the dump, scrape up a breakfast at home and go shopping. What is it about Saturdays and shopping with women? Is it genetic? It’s just madness. Every week we are on our way to Kittery, Portsmouth, Portland, or in this week’s case study, Freeport. Let me go on the record here. I hate Freeport more than anyone of them. At least in the other cities pedestrians aren’t dying to walk in front of you as you try to get the hell out. In fact if not for an LL Bean gift certificate I needed to use, I don’t think I ever would have gone down there. It’s like a melting pot of tourists, snobs and bratty kids encouraged by their parents to climb the LL Bean boot even though the sign right next says not to climb it. Almost everyone is rude beyond all human comprehension. People just start walking into the street as your about half through the crosswalk and give you a “I can’t believe you screwed my SISTER!” look as you try to drive through. Maddening. Just maddening.

Is anyone else sick of this 50 in 50 thing on ESPN? You can’t get a better song than Bryan Adams (“The Canadian Government has apologized for Bryan Adams on many separate occasions” South Park the Movie 1998) for your soundtrack?

Lets take a look at yesterdays gambling advice…
“Tease any dog with plus 3 and make over for anything 36 points or less and under for 36 and 1/2 points or more. (which would make it a minimum of +9 and over 30 or under 42 1/2) and you should make some cash.”

I personally try not to lay two bets on the same game (IE Bal and the over) unless its the only game on the board. I usually take the side on one game and the total on another, usually at random and do it that way. Some sportsbooks aren’t allowing you to tease or parlay exhibition games, which is ridiculous, but what do you do?

Classy move by the Panthers to retire Sam Mills number, but they shouldn’t have had a cheerleader (?) take the cover off the picture. Kind of tasteless. Just a little. Or am I just being picky?

Baseball tomorrow…

STL Cards +101 (Morris and Prior Listed)
Hou/Pit over 8 1/2 runs
Cincy +110
D”Backs +125

Strictly National League tomorrow kids…

Til next time…It’s the last time…

The Cassel/Cassell Edition

Matt Cassel. Who the hell is Matt Cassel? Only the New England Patriots, who struck 7th round gold in 2000 by drafting a QB that platooned with Drew Henson in Michigan by the name of Tom Brady would draft the guy who backed up 2 consecutive Heisman Trophy winners at USC. Talk about the anti Wally Pipp. Yet there he was tonight, running around like a 5 year old at Funtown, gasping for air, sending Rohan Davey to the unemployment line and giving the Pats 2 and 3rd teams a spark they haven’t seen in quite awhile. Of course, Monte Beissel, who was signed from Kansas City (The Greatest Defense I have ever seen. Wait, Just kidding) is now penciled in to replace Ted Johnson and looked pretty good. I know its week one of the preseason, but how do they keep doing this? Are Pioli and Belichick just that much smarter than everyone else? Do you think if we got Billy Beane in a room with the two of them they could figure out a way to stop the war in Iraq and get Al-Qaida to hold hands and sing Kuhm-Ba-Ya? I keep wanting to be shocked, but I can’t be anymore. I almost expect them to always find someone to replace whoever they lost from the last year, and I expect them to easily win the AFC East and get homefield for at least one game (which means goodbye Indy!) and win the Super Bowl. This is getting borderline ridiculous. I think all of us expect Doug Flutie to win us one game this year for one reason or another. I think we all know Ty Law (although I wish him the best) will fade away in New York while Duane Starks goes to the Pro Bowl. As long as we don’t act like Cowboy fans from the early and mid 90’s, I think we will be alright.

I love what the T’Wolves did by sending Sam “Thank you Mr. Horry and Mr. Olajuwon for making me a TON of money” Cassell to basketball Siberia with the Clippers. If the Clips don’t trade him to a contender, there should be plenty of drama in the Clip Joint, and it might even over shadow the Kobe Show. Do you think the Philly Eagles have looked for ways to send TO to the Bears for Justin Gage and a 6th rounder, which would be the NFL equivalent? That might keep him and Drew off our tv screens.

Onto the gambling portion of this. I had a bad night, betting against New England and going against Johan Santana in MLB, but tomorrow is a new day. Baltimore + 3 and Buffalo -3 (betting solely on Japan hangovers there. I still remember the Yanks and D’Rays last year). Tease any dog with plus 3 and make over for anything 36 points or less and under for 36 and 1/2 points or more. (which would make it a minimum of +9 and over 30 or under 42 1/2) and you should make some cash.

BTW, can someone please get CNNSI back? At least they had people on there doing SPORTS! I don’t care about what goes on in all 50 states. I really don’t. Show me Royals/Indians highlights. Fox Sports Net and ESPN are killing me right now. Why is Baseball Tonight a 20 minute featurette at 12 am now? Do we really need an Outside the Lines every night? Bob Ley must be thrilled to be working on Friday night. (I think somewhere there is a picture of Chris Berman stuck to a dartboard in the Ley house. Listen closely and you’ll hear the Gin Blossoms “Hey Jealousy” between sobs) that’s all for tonight kids. Make sure you don’t leave anything in the bottle…